Lifestyle - White Lies

AYANDRALI DUTTA

1. You're perfect : "I love you just the way you are and I would not change a thing about you". These are the words that a woman would love to hear from her beau. Snehasish, a graphic designer admits, "If these lines are what bring a smile on her lips, then what's wrong? I don't see any harm in this lie. Let's be serious - nobody is perfect. But always be ready for some confrontation, as your partner may figure out you are telling the truth."

Shikha Pratap, a 30-year-old media manager who has recently had a baby adds, "I have put on some weight post delivery, but I just love it when I ask my hubby whether I am still the best looking woman in the world for him, and he looks deep into my eyes and says, 'Honey, you are simply perfect.' I know it's a white lie, but being perfect for him is the most satisfying feeling in the world. Any woman would love to be desired by her better half." The notion of perfection is not limited merely to the fairer sex. Thirty five-year-old Jatin Hashmi adds, "I hate my beer belly, but when I ask my wife if she's embarrassed by my weight - she has a mischievous twinkle in her eyes and says I am perfect. It's such a turn on for a man."

Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says, "Interpretation of what is being said is most important. One generally looks for an easy escape route, and a positive reaction is always welcome. The words when spoken must never hurt one's feeling. One should master the art of communication."

2. Roving eyes don't bother : A lot of couples seem to be okay with their partner's flirtatious ways or at least lying about it. But most of the times, even if your girl says a "yes" with a heavy heart, she is definitely upset about flirting. Most women hate to feel second best if you tell her you are going out for a night around town with your guy friends. Similarily, most guys are lying when they say they don't get jealous when other men are hitting on their girl in a night club.

Wise Counsel : Manoj Khanna, a counseling psychologist says, "Commitment is the key in a long standing relationship. The relationship should have transparency so that the partners can share things openly between themselves and this is where communication plays a significant role. One should not make his roving eyes a perennial habit, as that's where most infidelity problems crop up. If you are upset with your partner, try and communicate your fears and insecurities rationally to them as lying might put a temporary cover on them."

3. Intricacies about one's past relationship : At times, it's safe to hide the small intricacies like the depth of one's past relationships in terms of physical intimacy. Some truths are best when hidden. But yes, on the other hand be sure that you are clever enough to reveal what's important and camouflage what's the bitter truth. "I have had a very bitter past," says 26-year-old Gauri Senapathy, "my ex boyfriend was violent and often physically abusive. I am now happily settled and I know that if I talk to my man about it he would not be able to handle the truth about how I was beaten up. I thus often say to him that I had a bad relationship, omitting the gory details. Why add to the troubles in life?," she feels.

Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh says that, "Emotional openness is very important in a relationship. But try and weigh the pros and cons of being candid to your partner. Acceptance of the truth in a healthy way adds to the strength of a relationship. Past relationships have their own emotional attachments, so if your better half has had the courage to come clean, it's important to respect their wishes and be supportive. Here the maturity of the partner is all important."

. I don't remember my ex : "My ex is my past and I have only rather faint memories about them" is one of the biggest lies a person can say Most couples resort to white lies at times to salvage the relationship (Getty Images)

to his partner". "If I confess that I still harbour fond memories about my ex what good would it do to my present relationship? Rather it will bring about unnecessary friction, so I have always preferred to hide the bare truth," believes Monish K, a PR professional. "I was always scared that my possessive husband will be very angry if he finds out that I still fantasize about my ex boyfriend's body while having sex. So, I have buried the truth in my heart," admits 32-year-old interior designer Seema Sen.

Wise Counsel : Dr. Nimish Seth, a psychologist explains, "Being blatant about certain true facts unveils deep insecurities in a relationship and disturbs a smooth sail. We all know that it's not that easy to forget one's past. It's always wise to accept that one can't leave his / her past totally".

5. You are very good in bed : Often a woman who cares about a man tells him just what she knows he wants to hear to make him feel good about himself. "There are days when I fake an orgasm because my husband just can't satisfy me sexually. But I know it's probably the stress in his professional life that is causing him to under perform so I lie that I am on top of the world with him. Why scar his ego?" says 25-year-old housewife Pragya Samarth.
Just letting your partner feel comfortable in bed add to the sexual chemistry, so telling a white lie sometimes adds to the spark in bed.

Wise Counsel : Dr. Nimish Seth, a psychologist opines "nothing works better than affirmation, so even if once in a while the partner may not live up to your expectations, there's no harm in telling them that they did. We all have our ups and lows, so never taunt your partner. Rather be gently truthful."

6. I'm sorry : Many times couples apologize even if they actually are not admitting to their mistakes. It's often done to buy peace. "Saying sorry is always an easy bet to keep things going strong in a relationship," says Monish K, a PR professional adding, "Most men only say sorry to get into your pants again." Sorry is just a magic word for men to wrap up a fight easily. "Men only say sorry when they want something from you," says Kamini Khanna, a 34-year-old oncologist.

Wise Counsel : Manoj Khanna, a counseling psychologist says, "Since childhood we are conditioned in such a way that "sorry" can simply make worst matters better. Words of apology have a magical effect. The trick of the trade lies in how you present your words".

7. I love sports honey : A lot of women lie about their love for sports just to appeal to a man. Some even agree to watch a football game that they might not really enjoy. She accepts the invitation for a game just to please her partner or stand out in a crowd. "I was dating a footballer in college and I lied to him initially that I love the game just to get him to like me. Soon, he was dragging me to every ball game in town and finally I had to say the truth as I was least bothered about the score. I wanted badly to score with him, that's all," says 26-year-old Kavya Sen, an architect.

Wise Counsel : Dr. Parikh adds, "Most of the time, pleasing your partner comes in the way of telling the truth. It's not always that you and your better half will love the same thing. Being together is what matters at the end of the day".

8. I like spending time with your friends : At first all may seem fine, but it's not easy to gel with your spouse's friends at every single social do. "At the beginning I liked hanging out with my boyfriend's friends as it seemed a good way of getting to know him better. But soon they were eating into our 'us' time and I got tired of lying that I loved the company he kept," admits 35-year-old journalist Shreya Hingorany.

Wise Counsel : Dr. Sanjay Chugh, a psychiatrist says "It's not always necessary that we gel perfectly with our spouse's friends, but at least we should make an effort to. Once a while meeting them will not make a big difference."