It's January 9th and there's still a fat guy passed out on your sofa from New Year's Eve
All the money you didn't lose in the Ponzi scheme, you bet on the Colts
Regis just moved in next door
Began year in emergency room having novelty "2009" glasses removed from your stomach
Your wife's resolution was to give up sex, with you
You're still sitting in your Y2K bunker
Company transferred you to an office in Gaza
Somali pirates just stole your Buick
Your cholesterol is higher than the stock market
It's Friday night and you're watching Letterman
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